When Shit Hits the Fan 2 – One Flip-flop,Torn Shirt, Dripping with Sweat and Blood

Don’t trust Love, Birds or Hallways. This is how my phobia begins.

You can tell a lot about someone through how they react to a situation. Yes, when shit hits the fan that is when you can sus a person.

Salerno. 2011. I stayed in the most beautiful hostel ever. The very European brick building stood up at the top of a cobbled street that interlinked with narrow Italian passages. Downstairs in the courtyard there where coy swimming in a pond, green vines climbing the uneven stone walls that surrounded us, and tables laid for morning breakfast and evening meals. We stayed right at the top so that we could see the whole town and the vast ocean. Round midnight the boats glowed up the deep blue of the sea like stars in the night sky. The line between water and the galaxy was so faint it was as though the boats where drifting through the heavens. There was no air-con, but that was not a problem if you opened the windows. Yes, all you had to do was open the windows, but if you have learnt anything from part 1 opening windows is a bad fucking idea.

Infatuation usually wears off, but I loved this place like a mother. Coming back from another day of enjoying myself, I had officially decided I was in nirvana. I walked through the wide hallway out of my room to go downstairs. In the corner I saw two birds (or what I thought where birds).

I didn’t make out much but I saw the two of them. It was cute, they danced with each other like old lovers. I wished I had a camera. They must have come through the open window. As the flying waltz continued they got closer, but I enjoyed the beauty. I got on the lift. I looked at them once more. The way their wings moved was so weird, I had never seen anything like it. The matt black of their exterior was unusual. It was almost as though they had skin or a shell. Then something happened I would never forget. One looked back at me. Its two red eyes stared right at me and immediately I knew they were fucking coming for me…

I nearly fucking shat myself. I had already pressed my stop. And before the lift door closed one of them got in. It was shooting about, like a ricochet bullet. I stayed in the corner still. That’s what you are supposed to do right; stay still?  Be quiet?  Well evidently Bear Grylls is a liar. I pressed the open button as quietly and steadily as possible calming myself down, but it hit me hit me. I pushed it away and desperately tried again to press the open button. It kept swopping down trying to bite me or scratch me, I felt a tear in my shirt but didn’t want to look up. I pissed a little in absolute shock (a manly piss of course). I was confined and it got more aggressive. But through the weird kindness of fate the door opened. I misinterpreted this gesture, fate just wanted to make things a little more fun to watch. The door opened and I missed its next hard swoop.

I was on the same floor. I was thankful to not be confined. But now there two of those motherfuckers. I ran down one side of the hallway. As fast as I could as the two fuckers came for me. I made my way to the balcony of the hallway and had managed to cut my foot while running in my overly large flip-flops. My body ignored the pain. I caught my breath as I closed the balcony door, I thought I was free. But these where smart creatures.

One of them went through one window. And one of them headed towards me in the hallway, waiting for me. I was surrounded and trapped on the small balcony as they swooped towards me. The question now was Fight or Flight?

Both. I picked up a crappy plastic chair opened the door and ran towards one screaming. Simultaneously I ran away from the other. I through the chair straight at the motherfucker in front, and ran down the hallway from the other I didn’t look back. A flip flop fell off, I couldn’t even think of picking it because this time around the creatures weren’t chasing me for fun. It was serious. They wanted revenge. I ran away like never before. I mad it to the stairs and I ran down five flights to the courtyard. I had made it.

As I walked through the courtyard everyone watched. I stood there in my torn shirt, with one flip-flop, sweaty, out of breathe with a bleeding foot and said nothing. I wondered whether anyone ever investigated what had happened that night, why I was the way I was, why there was a chair and lone flip flop in the hallway, who’s screams came from upstairs, and why I always shut the hallway doors until I left. Don’t trust Love, Birds or Hallways. Ever.

When shit hits the fan; Brie she solves it.

When shit hits the fan I throw a fucking chair at it, run and don’t look back.

New part coming soon